I’ve figured it out. I’m about 99% sure Happy has some variation of the Electra complex. It makes perfect sense now. I really noticed it this past weekend.
The steps were adamant on watching scary movies this weekend so King and I made a camp area in the living room so that they wouldn’t be scared at night. The plan was for King and I to share the couch, Grumpy to sleep on the love seat and Happy to take the chaise lounge. Well the chaise lounge was not close enough to Daddy so Happy made her way to the floor right below the couch. Fine whatever. After everyone fell asleep I got up and went to the bed. Since the pregnancy, I’m prone to back aches fairly easily. In the morning Happy discovers I left the apparent coveted spot next to her daddy and complains all morning that she had to sleep on the floor when she could have slept with her daddy.
The next night, the steps want to camp out again. While they are watching movies, I decide to change Dopey’s earrings out while she slept since we bought her some new ones but she hates people touching her ears. I come back and see Happy has reclaimed her seat next to daddy complete with splaying her legs all over him. I send her back to her spot and sit next to my husband. Same thing happens, everyone falls asleep and I go to my bed. In the morning I find Happy playing little spoon and King playing big spoon on the couch. Then she looks at me and says “he’s MY daddy.” Oh hell no. I tell King I’m going to start breakfast and he gets up to help. Happy can’t stand to see us doing anything, even cooking, together and starts shouting “I wanna help daddy!” Fine. Help your daddy. I go to my room to read.
King comes to check on me and I tell him how weird it is for me to see Happy sitting on his lap, spooning with him, etc. I am not jealous, but it is weird to have a little mini-wife in the same house. He appears to have an epiphany and agrees that it is a bit strange. The rest of the day I can see him getting kind of weirded out when Happy tries to sit in his lap, wedge herself between us, call her daddy to push her on the swing (despite the fact that her sisters are managing just fine), LAYS HER HEAD IN HIS LAP at a restaurant during lunch, and finally asks him for an old shirt that he’s worn and that smells like him to take back to her mom’s.
I thought it was all in my head but seeing King notice it made it more real. Now that he has acknowledged her odd behavior though he wants to correct it but we don’t know how. Anyone else have this issue? I’m thankful he recognizes its a problem but if we don’t figure out how to fix it it will just continue to be a strain on our relationship. I’m sure she will eventually grow out of it, but I think it is not a healthy way to express her feelings in the mean time.
The Stepmonster
The Stepmonster 
HI! Another great post. I have seen this issue with my SD and her Dad to a small extent. The kids really struggle when my husband actually focuses on me and not them. What I took most from your post is how important it is that the Father recognize these behaviors! I will literally feel I am insane until my husband finally takes note of some of his childrens’ “Weird” behaviors. I am always standing there thinking, “Despite what everyone imagines here, I am hardly the problem.” 🙂
Dude… I think she just wants him to focus on her. She is lacking attention. Girls crave their father’s attention to be more emotional.
I think its an excellent step that at least the King noticed.
Honestly, this feels a bit weird to me. Okay, a lot weird! I would be terribly uncomfortable with this. Yes, she wants his attention, but is going about it in a very wrong manner. Perhaps a conversation with her regarding appropriate behavior might be in order? I can completely understand where her actions would cause you incredible discomfort and frankly, I’d be angry.
Glad your hubby recognizes that this isn’t right. I hope he now does something about it. Kids, if allowed, will drive a wedge through a relationship as wide as the Cumberland gap! Ugh!
Hugs to you!
I’ve dealt with the same issue off and on since my SD was 4. She is now almost 13 and it has gotten better. What made a huge difference for us is that now my Husband will set aside special time for her whether it’s a Daddy-Daughter night or just practicing soccer. He also does the same with our son, they have guy’s night and I get a girl’s night out. We also do family movie nights the weekends we have her so we are all together. Another thing I think made an impact over time is that she sees us hugging and being affectionate (not overly so) with each other but she knows he still loves her. In the beginning she had a fear that she was being replaced in his heart.
Thank you guys for all your comments. I agree that she just wants attention, but is going about it in an inappropriate manner. It’s hard for him to give them one-on-one time since we only have them every other weekend and there are three of them. DH and I have been living together for over a year now and this behavior is only getting more prominent. She doesn’t know about the new baby yet and I am worried this will make her act out even more. I will suggest the daddy-daughter date idea to DH but isn’t this just rewarding her for behaving inappropriately?
Maybe he could rotate and take each girl out for a little one on one even if it’s for just an hour or two. Maybe one each time you have a weekend, mark it on the calendar even so they know when their day will be. This way all the girls get time with him and he can use it as a way to show Happy more appropriate ways to be affectionate between them.
This is definitely a tough one.